In today’s day and age the society expects us to center our lives not only on our materialistic goals but as well as whether or not if we are coupled up. Being in your early 20’s , people are expected to have at least been in love, have someone that that they have once called their own. From getting text to being gifted presents on special occasions from someone that cares about them in a romantic sense. However for me, that has not happened yet at the age of 22. When asked about our love lives among a group of friends, I was always the quiet one listening to all of the problems my friends experienced in this love game. Sometimes I was the one giving the advice which is one of the benefits of being a relationship virgin as you get to analyze the situation from an observer’s point of view. Despite all of this , I still have people who are confused that I never had a romantic relationship in my life before. I will explain my reasons next, but let me first clarify a few things before I do.
I know most people think that relationship virgins are deemed to be miserable due to us having never experienced this ‘magic’ called romance. Yes of course there are days where some of us feel the need to be close to someone in that way since this is essential for us as humans as we are social creatures. But we have other relationships which we are focusing on. For instance with ourselves, family and friends. We therefore make it our mission to strengthen those bonds because it is the only way we can be able to express our love. Being single is a choice and I fully agree with that. Why? Well I for example, long time ago had some people walking into my life wanting to offer me love but I was too busy dealing with my own self- esteem issues which have stemmed from a young age. Even guys that were genuinely wanting to get to know me I pushed away because of this thing I had. I was always confused as to why they would find me interesting enough to want to get to know me romantically and what did I do? I coldly shut them out because of my own fears. I then turned into an emotionally distant person where I tried projecting this image that I was a strong and independent women that didn’t need to settle down to define my worth. I started blocking any form of male attention that would lead into something more.That was my biggest mistake because I misunderstood the concept of being a ‘strong and independent woman‘. What that means is that I did not understand that a truly strong and independent woman is an individual who has the capability of opening herself up to people enough to be vulnerable and still know that her true is not defined by physical attributes and that she was enough. My fears are not because of what other people said or thought about me while growing up but it was simply because I thought that I was not enough the way that I was. So why am I single now? Well outside of romantic pursuits, I felt that I needed to work on the most important relationship which is with myself and rid myself of all the toxic habits of thinking I am non deserving of love and also work on relationships with my family and friends and therefore live my life fully. I am proud of my self because I finally realized what my problem was. Life is a bit more clearer now as I continue this journey of loving myself wholeheartedly and not being ashamed of who I am.
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